Messed up body

So….I still haven’t started a period and tomorrow marks 7 weeks since the D&C.  Seriously?  It’s bad enough that my body can’t keep a pregnancy going.  Can’t my body at least get back to ‘normal’ a little quicker?  Before we ever started trying to have a baby, I used to be so regular.  I don’t think I appreciated that as much then as I should have.

I never had a positive body image growing up.  I have always been overweight and it just wasn’t a priority to exercise.  I like my chocolate and ice cream and cheese pizza far too much.  Food is a big time comfort for me.   So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m about 65 pounds heavier now after 7 pregnancies (1 baby) than I was when I started trying to conceive.  I’ve managed to avoid any major depression (till now after miscarriage #6), but the depression eating has so massively packed on the pounds.  That and two IVF cycles and many many more cycles while on progesterone, steroids and other fun medications that make you hungry and bloated.  Oh, and I wasn’t supposed to exercise at all during the last two pregnancies (per Expert #2) because exercise could increase inflammation.  I want to wear a shirt around explaining this so maybe people would understand rather than just see me as a disgustingly fat person.

If only it were that easy to just tell people where you’re coming from.


3 thoughts on “Messed up body

  1. I get it. I have out on 45 lbs. during four IVF cycles, with no baby to show for it. Meanwhile. So many of my friends have had several babies and gone right back to their previously svelte bodies with (seemingly) no effort. I tell myself that I wouldn’t mind looking like a “mom” if I actually was one….but I don’t know if that’s true either. I have also struggled with my weight, and my body image, for years. I don’t think that recurrent miscarriage does us any good either –it is very hard to “love” your body when it won’t do that one, basic, thing that it was supposedly designed to do.

    I’ve been thinking of you lots over the last few weeks, and check often for updates. Sending love and hugs over the interwebz. I wish I could do more. The mantra that has gotten me through in the past is that the only way through the pain is through it. Allow yourself time to grieve, and take care of YOU. Even when it seems like everyone else has moved on. Know that there are those of us who remember with you and who rail against the universe for you. Your daughter is not now, and never will be, forgotten.

    Much love,

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