I should be ‘used to this’?

Oh my goodness, just when you think you’ve heard it all…

I had a husband of a not-so-close friend* tell me that he was sorry to hear that I miscarried, but that his wife (my not-so-close friend) said she thought I was ‘used to it by now’.

I pretty much choked on the bite of pasta salad in my mouth and said ‘no, you don’t really ever get ‘used to’ your babies dying’ and got up and walked out to the bathroom.  And texted my husband from the bathroom, telling him that I would be sitting in the car for the rest of the party or until he could get his behind out to the car.  We left 5 minutes later.  Now I’m home and still shaking.

Is that really what people feel for those of us who have Recurrent Pregnancy Loss?  That it’s like working out and the first time makes you really sore, but it gets easier/better each time?  Seriously?!

Stupid people SUCK.

*She only knows my history because she’s in my mom’s group and a mutual friend told her.  She is not someone who I would ever have shared my story with, which I guess makes this worse.


6 thoughts on “I should be ‘used to this’?

  1. Good for you for telling that guy off and then leaving! Wow, that is so incredibly infuriating. I am fuming for you! It’s hard enough to gear yourself up to go to social outing like that anyway, and then when people do and say things like that it just makes me want to never leave the house. I’m so sorry, hun 😦 Those people don’t deserve to have you as a friend or even an acquaintance if they are going to treat you like that.

  2. Hi from LFCA…I am SO sorry you had to endure a comment like this. I can’t even imagine thinking of saying something like this to anyone…like you said it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve miscarried you never “get used to it”. Nor should you. I am glad you said something and were able to leave right after that was said and did not have to sit through the party.

    • Thanks for reading, I appreciate it. I know, I’m lucky my husband jumped in and got me out of there before I completely lost it. I’ll figure out how to face them in the future (as they are in our extended social circle). Sigh, I wish it were something you could get ‘used to’. /MMB

  3. I am so sorry. My mother made that same remark to me (my own mother!). It’s such an insanely horrible thoughtless thing to say. If anything, multiple losses get WORSE as the whole horrible saga progresses.

  4. No. Just….no. You never, ever, ever get used to this. I am so sorry that such a callous, insensitive comment was made to you, and I applaud you for refraining from a swift kick to his balls, followed by an “Ever get used to that, asshole?”
    Sending giant hugs your way.


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