My belly continues to grow. Since starting prednisone once I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been so freaking hungry and eating non-stop. And since taking this I know have the lovely ‘moon face’ that is common with steroid use. Definitely avoiding any holiday pictures this year. It also doesn’t help that I’m just nauseated enough with this pregnancy and eating constantly seems to be the best cure. Add in twins and a uterus that has been pregnant 8 times.
The bottom line is that my belly is growing. Fast.
When I lost Abby at 16w, I wasn’t really even showing yet. I had told many close ‘friends’, but hadn’t told many others. Definitely hadn’t gone ‘FB official’.
So now I’m coming up on just 9 weeks pregnant and I’m scared to death that I need to tell my friends. Of course, that group all disappeared when Abby died, so this is a whole new group of friends. Sad to say, but I don’t see any but maybe two of my friends from before I lost her. Quite depressing, but I guess that’s another post.
I don’t even think I’ll manage to make it into the 2nd trimester without having to share this news. I’m going to have to do it soon. This scares me beyond all reason. Already I’m getting some comment about me not drinking when we are out. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, I didn’t want to ever be pregnant again. I told all these friends we were pursuing surrogacy. And now I have to break out the news that I’m not only pregnant, but with twins. And it’s probably likely that I won’t take these babies home, either.
I don’t want to tell people again. I don’t want to risk losing these friends if/when I lose these babies and my world falls apart again. I can’t keep starting over. I can’t keep having people disappear because they feel awkward around the RPL friend who keeps losing babies.