Still going

I had a good NT scan this week. Of course, the nasty voice in my head just reminds me that Abby’s NT scan was perfect as well. But I can only take what I know at the moment about this pregnancy and there are two kicking active little guys in there.

Yep, I did say guys. The tech is almost certain that we are having two boys. Crazy. I just wanted my little girl. Them I just wanted to be done with pregnancy. And now I’m carrying two little boys. I can’t help but be a little disappointed- I think I mentioned it before (and felt very guilty for admitting it) but I was really hoping for one girl. Not necessarily just to replace Abby- I know it doesn’t work that way. I just love the mother/daughter bond and really wanted that one more time. And the other really big factor is that I’m certain these babies (IF we make it that far) will have some NICU time and I know girls do better than boys in the NICU statistically. I hoped that might give me a little edge. Goodness knows I need one.

It’s been a scary week, coming off several of the crazy medications we tried with this pregnancy: bye Prednisone and neupogen. Definitely won’t miss them, but it’s scary to do at 12/13 weeks when your last loss was at 16 weeks. Supposedly the damage had been done in the first trimester and thate why (one doctor thinks) I lost Abby. Hopefully these drugs work miracles and I’m giving these little guys the best I can give.  I just keep pleading with the universe/god/anyone tht I please get to keep these babies. I cannot handle losing two more babies.

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6 thoughts on “Still going

  1. I love hearing that things are still trucking along. I think of you often. I am hoping things are settling down marriage-wise and that things continue to go well with your baby boys!

  2. Wow, that’s awesome news! I can understand why you still don’t feel comfortable, I don’t think I would either, but really it’s so so much better than the alternative. It’s one more step down. I’m looking down the barrel at our NT scan in 2 weeks and beginning to freak out, so definitely take the good news while you’ve got it :).

  3. Great news about the NT scan! And it’s exciting to hear about the gender so early. I think it’s totally understandable to have feelings of disappointment about both most likely being boys, but I bet you will discover new and special things about your bond with your sons. And I bet your Sweetie will love being a big sister to two little brothers! So glad to hear things are going well.

  4. I’m so glad your scan went well and I completely understand being scared; not yet ready to trust this pregnancy but at the same time, praying with all your strength that these babies stick around for the long haul. You are doing an amazing job taking care of these baby boys and the scan confirms it. Sending you lots of strength as you get through these next nerve few weeks.

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